Candy's Corner

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T20:39:02Z

Happy Halloween!

Writer's Block: Top of the Charts

2009-09-05T19:48:32Z

What's the most-played song in your music library?

View 2050 Answers

"Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd

happy 18th birthday Candace

2009-08-29T07:34:51Z

a belated happy 18th birthday to my beloved daughter Candace :)

New Apartment

2009-07-20T12:59:37Z

Through the grace of God I will be getting my new apartment today.

I will be off line for awhile until I can get my computer back up and running and my internet access moved.

Thank you to all who prayed for us. Your prayers have helped.

Update - after the fire

2009-07-03T03:44:11Z

I am at a friends home tonight. The kids are still at their dad's house, but we will celebrate the 4th together. Have received word from another friend that she is going to help us find a new place to live and a place to keep what is left of our stuff until I can get the new place set up.

I miss my cats so much. Even though I know they are in a better place it hurts my heart to think of them. They were sweet and loyal conpanions.

We lost a lot. But the most important thing is that we are all alive and uninjured. I cannot praise God enough for his protection. It could have been so much worse.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us. Please keep your prayers up. They have been felt

Need prayers

2009-07-02T04:12:22Z

I need your prayers. The apartment caught on fire tonight. Everyone got out all right, but I loss all of my cats. Also everything in Williams room was lost. I am at the Comfort Suites paid for by the fire department. The kids are with my ex husband.

Happy Birthday To Me

2009-06-29T02:31:27Z

Well it seems that the earth has managed to make it around the sun once again and I am another year older.

Sorry about the double post. I did not realize that my first post had made it through. but I will not be deleting either post due to the fact I have comments on both.

Happy Birthday to me

2009-06-28T22:59:20Z

It looks the earth managed to make it around the sun again one more time.

Happy Birthday William

2009-06-25T03:30:18Z

A very Happy 15th Birthday to my sweet William.
May you live a very long life and prosper greatly.

Happy Birthday Californiaquail

2009-06-18T03:50:46Z

Happy birthday Julie!

Way to Go William!

2009-05-25T03:02:04Z

Congratulations William!
On winning a gold metal at the state Special Olympics Summer Games.

Graduation

2009-05-25T02:38:54Z

Congratulations
to my Sweet Candace on her High School graduation.

A Belated Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-11T05:43:29Z

Sorry a day late but:

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T20:18:45Z

I just wanted to wish everyone an happy and blessed Easter.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T05:35:18Z

angelcat2865 @ 2009-01-01T23:04:00

2009-01-02T05:24:33Z

Happy 2009 Everyone!

Merry Christmas Everyone

2008-12-25T02:50:40Z

Merry Christmas!

Happy Halloween

2008-11-01T04:16:22Z

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

So I'm House. Who Knew?

2008-10-27T03:50:21Z

Which House Md Character are you? Your Result: Gregory House Congratulations, you're the snarky bastard Dr. Gregory House. You're a genius doctor and you enjoy annoying your boss. There's a rumor that you and your best friend are gay though...
Eric Foreman
Lisa Cuddy
James Wilson
Robert Chase
Allison Cameron

http://www.gotoquiz.com/which_house_md_character_are_you

I won’t believe it. I can’t

2008-09-26T13:58:47Z

Title: I won’t believe it. I can’t
Author: Angelcat2865
Summary/Spoilers: Wilson’s POV during and post his conversations with House in Dying Changes Everything. This is meant to be a companion piece He should have known better.
Rated: PG 13 (For mild language)
Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams, otherwise House, all it characters and dialogs belong to David Shore and Bad Hat Harry Productions.
A/N: Betaed by Californiaquail

I should be mad. But I don’t have enough energy for that, not anymore. I just want to get out of here and be free of this place and House forever. But House is standing in my office telling me he is sorry and he actually looks sincere about it. But I won’t believe it. I can’t. He can’t be sorry. How could he be? It’s what he wanted after all: her out of my life and me as miserable as he is. Even so, I tell House what I think he wants to hear, that I don’t blame him for Amber’s death. It’s the truth to a certain degree. The logical part of me knows he really can’t be blamed for her death, but my heart is not so sure. He looks so relieved, like that is all it takes to make things right again. But it isn't enough. Everything has gone too far.

Then he asks if we are all right. All right? How could we ever be all right again? He says he knows I am not ok, but maybe he could help. And he looks like he means it. But he doesn’t mean it. He can’t, because he is a selfish bastard who can only spread misery and I tell him so. I don’t even bother raising my voice, because I am not mad. I am just telling the truth. I have to believe that, especially when I tell him we are not friends and that I'm not sure we ever were. I expect him to come back with some sharp and hateful response, but he doesn’t. He just stands there looking at me, like some lost child. The only thing I can do is to pick up my box and leave. I can’t look back. I can’t think about the hurt in his eyes. I have to believe he is the uncaring bastard that I said he is. Because if I don’t, that would mean that the real bastard is me.

He should have known better

2008-09-18T07:05:39Z

He should have known better

Title: He should have known better
Author: Angelcat2865
Summary/ Spoilers: House's POV after Wilson parting speech in Dying Changes Everything.
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams, otherwise House, all it characters and dialogs belong to David Shore and Bad Hat Harry Productions.
A/N: Betaed by Californiaquail
It was a mistake. He knew it would be, but he had done it anyway. Every scrap of logic in his mind told him how it would end. So why did he do it? Opening yourself up to someone is practically begging for pain. "Look at me I’m an idiot. Please stomp on my heart." Still he had done it. Was it because Cuddy had pestered him to do it? That was part of it. But that wasn't the whole truth and he knew it. He had wanted to believe her words. He had dared to hope. Stupid really. So he went to Wilson thinking he could actually make things better. What a joke! When Wilson had told him he did not blame him for Amber's death, he thought it had worked. But then he told him the real reason he was leaving . . . He should have known better than to allow hope. He should have known better.

Happy 17th Birthday Sweet Candace

2008-08-29T04:37:47Z

I want to wish my sweet and beautiful Candace and very Happy 17th Birthday!

My Weirdness Level

2008-08-24T03:37:10Z

So, angelcat2865, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 5% unique (blame, for example, your interest in cat crimes series) and 5% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy lord of the rings). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 40

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 82% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

Not What He Wants

2008-08-01T07:53:52Z

Title: Not What He Wants
Author: angelcat2865
Summary: House has some introspective thoughts about losing control and how the different events of his life have affected his friendship with Wilson and those around him.
Warnings: Attempted suicide, some drug abuse, mentions of child abuse and rape and a lot of angst
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: For the episodes Meaning through Don’t Ever Change
Disclaimer: Only mine in my dreams, otherwise House, all it characters and dialogs belong to David Shore and Bad Hat Harry Productions.
A/N: This is my first fanfic. It was written just after Don't Ever Change aired for the first time. I hope everyone enjoys it. Special thanks to Californiaquail for being my beta and editing this story for me, and for encouraging me to go ahead and publish this. Thsi story has been published on this journal ( but nowhere else} before but was un-betaed at that point.

Not What He Wants

When House arrives home that night, his head is hurting from all the conflicting thoughts running through it and his leg is hurting worse than ever. Wilson would have said it was all in his head, that his emotional pain was manifesting itself as physical pain. Maybe Wilson is right. House really doesn’t know any more. At the moment he is not really sure of anything.

The conversation he had with Wilson as he left for the day keeps playing over and over in his mind.

Do you know what this means?
That you made one good dating choice? The fabric of the space/time continuum could unravel.

My world could expand. I could form a long-term connection that isn't with you. And since you put the darkest possible construction on everything, you could end up losing a friend. You've thought of all this. And yet you're going along with it. Are you being...self-sacrificing?

I'll sacrifice a lab rat. I'll sacrifice a fly. I'll sacrifice two hundred on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self...Shabbat Shalom, Wilson.

Shabbat Shalom, House.
No, he’s not being self-sacrificing. He’s letting go. It is just one more thing he knows he no longer has any control over, and he wonders when he started losing so much control over the things in his life.
House thinks back to the first day that he had returned to work after the shooting and the Ketamine treatment. He’d been so happy then and even willing to look for new meaning in his life. He’d actually wanted to change, to make a new start. He’d wanted to prove to himself that the voice of his hallucination was wrong, but no one had believed him. No one thought he was capable of change and in the end he had surrendered in agreement.
Then the pain had returned and Wilson had laughed at him. He had been so frightened when he’d gone to Wilson with the news. He’d thought that Wilson would understand. But he didn’t, and that had hurt House more than Wilson would ever know. It had been that hurt that drove House to steal Wilson’s prescription pad, not the need for the drugs. It was just another thing that Wilson would never understand.
House remembers how Cuddy and Wilson had lied to him, told he was wrong and how he had believed them. He had doubted himself and was afraid that he was losing his gift. Wilson had said that he was afraid that if we told you the truth that you'd solved a case based on absolutely no medical proof, you'd think you were God. And I was worried your wings would melt. House bitterly remembers his response to this. God doesn't limp. He wonders if Wilson ever understood the pain behind that statement.
House thinks about Tritter and all the damage that had followed in his wake. He thinks of how Wilson and Cuddy tried to force him into rehab by taking away the pills that he needed and how he had taken his anger out on everyone around him. He had hit Chase and that was bad enough, but then and told Cuddy she was a failure as a mother. His words to Cuddy had been cruel. He knew that. But he also knew once he had said them he could never take them back. Words are like that, often doing much more harm that any physical blow could ever do. That is a truth that House knows better than anyone. He hadn’t meant it, but he was in so much pain and so very angry that he had wanted to hurt her the way she was hurting him. He’d known at the time that it was wrong and when he was sane enough to figure out she had miscarried, the words came back to haunt him.
The memory of last year’s Christmas eve came flooding back into House’s mind. He had wanted to die that night, but as always his body had betrayed him. It was the lowest he had ever been, not even the time right after the infarction had been so low. In his mind he really had seen nothing left to live for. His friends had betrayed him and in his desperation he had been reduced to stealing drugs -like the junkie they believed him to be- just so he could get a little relief from the pain and the nausea. He was most likely facing a ten year prison sentence and the loss of his medical licence. What was left? So he’d called his mom, said the only version of goodbye that he could manage and taken the rest of the pills. He should have died, but he didn’t. His stomach had revolted and he had vomited most of the pills back up. Later when Wilson had showed up, only to turn around and walk right back out the door leaving him dazed on the floor in a pool of his own vomit, he had been jolted to his core. The jolt was enough to get House to consider rehab. But when Tritter told him his actions meant nothing, he had decided there was no point.
Then there was the hearing. Cuddy had lied for him and he had his life back, but he still had to spend the night in jail for a contempt of court charge. The words Cuddy had said to him as he sat in his jail cell come back to him now, with a vengeance. You make everyone around you worse for being there. He wondered not for the first time if she is right. Does he really make everyone around worse by being there? He knows what his dad would say.
Wilson’s words return to him again. My world could expand. I could form a long-term connection that isn't with you. Had he been keeping Wilson from connecting to anyone else? Bonnie’s angry words now flow through his mind as well. You always needed him, and he was always there for you! . . .You knew he had a wife waiting at home, you didn’t care. House thinks about the day he had found out that Wilson was on antidepressants. Wilson had said -this is why I take them. He had shot back -they're antidepressants not anti-annoyance-sants...At the time he had just through that Wilson was snapping at him because of the amphetamines he’d been slipped. But now House was beginning to wonder if Wilson had really meant that he was the cause of his depression. Was Cuddy right? Was Wilson worse off because of him?
House’s thoughts move to the rape victim who insisted on talking only to him. The girl had gotten under his skin. Why did she have to latch onto him? She seemed to look right through him. He had never meant to tell her or anyone else as for as that was concerned about his past about the ice baths and having to sleep on the lawn. He had never meant for anybody to find out about his shame. He had deserved it after all. He still to this day does not understand why he told her what he did. He can’t believe that anything he said could have possibly been of help to her in any way. All he had really succeeded in was to make her recall something that really hurt her and to reopen wounds in himself he had thought long since healed, wounds he was still at a loss for how to handle.
House’s mind now drifts back to experimental treatment he had tried to get by faking brain cancer. Desperation had driven him to seek out the treatment. He had tasted what life was like without the pain again and he wanted it back. It might have worked if only everyone else had been willing to mind their own business. He had first tried to hide it from them and then he had tried to get them to focus on the patient and not him, but it was all to no avail. His fellows had ruined all his hard laid plans. So when Cameron had said he had done just to get high, he had just let them believe it. Cameron would never know how much her words had cut him because he would never admit to it.
Then there was the girl Lupe. She had died because he had been hunting for zebras instead of horses. He knew the best thing he could do was to move on and distance himself what had happened or he would begin to doubt himself, his ability and others would die because of it. But he could not convince Foreman of that. For a while he thought that Foreman had been lost to a permanent case of the yips and he did not know how to help him.
So Foreman had decided to resigned making sure he had known why. Foremen’s words from last spring still echo painfully in his mind. I hate that in order to be like you as a doctor, I have to be like you as a human being. I don't want to turn into you. Wilson had said that he's not afraid to be you, he's afraid to be who he thinks you are. And he had known that Foreman was not ready yet. He still had not learned how to think outside the box, so he had tried to change Foreman mind but he had failed. Just as he had once told Wilson nice tries are worthless.
Chase was getting too close, seeing too much, and it was time for him to go. He had learned to stand up for himself and to think outside the box. There was nothing more House could teach him. So he had fired Chase, because he knew it was the only way he was ever going to get the man to step out on his own.
Then Cameron had resigned in protest. He did not think she was really ready, but he would not stand in her way. So she had left him too. He was alone, but maybe that’s what he wanted. He’s really not sure.
But he had not been really alone. Wilson had still been there and he had taken comfort in that. He had told Wilson he loved him and he had meant it, because he knew that Bonnie was right. Wilson had always been there for him. But now, Wilson is with Cut throat b...Amber -he corrects himself. Has he lost his friend? He doesn’t know. But maybe if he has, it’s for the best, for Wilson at least. So he is letting go, not because he wants to but because he knows he has to.
The pain brings House back out of his musings. He has been sitting still for far too long. He looks over at the bottle of Vicodin and the half empty glass of whiskey on the coffee table in front of him. Everyone thinks that’s what he wants. But he know they’re wrong. This is not what he wants. But maybe it is what he deserves.
With a sigh House flips off the lid to his pill bottle and shakes out a pill and swallows it. He sits there awhile and stares blankly at the TV waiting for the relief to kick in. When it doesn’t, he takes a second pill and washes it down with the last of the whiskey. Then he slowly gets up and heads for his bed. It’s going to be another long night

Birthday

2008-06-29T04:58:56Z

Hey it's my Birthday today, June 28 :) Hope all had a good day.